Never Again
by Techno Skittles
Summary: Maka is drunk. Oh boy. Whatever will Soul do? *dramatic* CHILDREN AVERT YOUR INNOCENT EYES! XD Dialogue challenge from LJ. SoMa
1. Never Again

**Author's Note: **

**Okay, this was a challenge I found on LJ and I thought I'd give it a try since it sounded fun. One of the themes isn't what I did, but I decided that I was going to do my own themes since that'd be a bit easier. Not to mention more fun. ^^**

**So, the challenge was to make a story consisted of ONLY dialogue. So if this gets confusing in any way, BLAME THE INABILITY TO DESCRIBE ANYTHING!**

**That will be all.**

**I don't own Soul Eater. But I should. I really should. ^w^**

**

* * *

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"Maka, how many drinks have you had?"

"As high as I can count!"

". . .Which is?"

"Eh. Seven."

"Dear Lord, Maka!"

"Whaaaaa?"

"We're going home now. And from now on, you are no longer allowed anywhere near alcohol."

"B-bu', Soul-kun! I wan' som' more! Please~"

"No and - dammit, Maka! Stop unbuttoning your shirt!"

"Bu' it's so hot in here!"

"That tells me that you've definitely had too much."

"Bu' I've only had nine!"

"Nine? But you said seven!"

"I changed m' mind."

"I'm going to go bald by the time I'm twenty if I keep talking to you."

"No! Your hair's so pretty!"

". . .Pretty?"

"Yep~"

"I don't think I - Maka! Put the glass down now!"

"Bu'-"

"Now."

"I jus'-"

_"Now."_

"You're no fun!"

"Says Little Miss Bookworm."

"Am not!"

"Yes you are."

"Do I look like a worm or a book to you?"

". . ."

"I didn't think so."

"Maka, I'm going to take you home and put you to bed with-"

"You're so sick!"

"Not like that, baka!"

"I can' believe you would try to do somethin' like tha'!"

"Maka, I was not nor will I ever-"

"HELP! THIS MAN WANTS TO RAPE ME!"

"MAKA!"

"Aaaaaah! Now he's going to kidnap me!"

"Maka, calm down and stop shouting."

"Get off you freak!"

"Quit squirming! You just elbowed me in the ribs!"

"RAAAAAAAPE!"

"Oh for the love of Christ!"

"HELP ME!"

"Nothing to see here people. We're just experiencing some - GODDAMIT, MAKA! THAT EFFIN' HURT!"

"And I'll kick you again if you don' put me down!"

"I swear, I don't know why I deal with you sometimes."

"It's 'cause you looooove me!"

"You wish, Tiny Tits."

"They aren' tiny!"

"Sure they aren't. . ."

"I'll show you proof!"

"Wha'? Holy shit, Maka! I told you to keep you shirt buttoned!"

"Bu' you didn' believe me."

"Put your shit back on."

"Do you believe me?"

"Shouldn't you be wearing a bra?"

"I was."

"Then where is it?"

"Some guy at the club wanted it."

"You're never drinking again. You'll never even see alcohol again."

"That's no fair!"

"I don't care! And you really should put your shirt on before someone notices!"

"Don' act like you don' loooooove it~"

"Maka, it's either you put the shirt back on, or I put it on for you."

"Is tha' a promise?"

"MAKA!"

"Fine! Sheesh! For someone so cool you sure act gay."

"Say what?"

"Gay guys don' like tits."

"Don't say that!"

"Wha'?"

"Tits!"

"Bu' you say it!"

"I don't care."

"Sexist."

"Maka, would you shut up?"

"You didn' deny it!"

"Just shut up! Stay quiet until we get home."

"No."

"I'm not playing with you, Maka."

"Bu' you wanna."

"Huh?"

"You wanna play with me."

". . .Maka, quit acting like a prostitute."

"That's mean!"

"But you are!"

"I'll show you how a prostitute acts!"

"What? Maka!. . .Get away from him! Oh shit. Maka! Get. . .off him!"

"Hey lemme go!"

"Sorry, dude. She's being really dumb."

"He was enjoying it."

"Maka, never do that again."

"Bu' he liked it!"

"So? You don't go around grinding random people!"

"You're jealous~"

"And why would I be?"

"You wan' me to grind you instead."

"You're crazy."

"Am I?"

"Very. Hey, what are you -"

"You were sayin'?"

"Maka, this is not the. . .time or the. . .place to do this."

"And who said tha'?"

"I - oh shit! Maka!"

"You like it?"

". . ."

"You like it, Soul-kun~"

"Just shut it."

"Mmmm. . .Soul-kun smells good."

"Maka stop!"

"You don' wan' me to."

"Yes I - what have I said about taking your shirt off?"

"Wha'? You sayin' you don' wan' these?"

"Maka!"

"Soul-kun's blushing!"

"Am not!"

"Soul-kun's so cute!"

"Maka, stop this. Right now."

"Make me."

". . ."

"Knew it."

"Maka, stop. . .nggh!"

"Oooo~! Soul-kun likes?"

"Stop it."

"So you don' wan' me to fix tha' boner of yours?"

"Could we just go home?"

"Wha's wrong with here?"

"We're in public and someone could see us."

"Let 'em see."

"Maka!"

"Just give in, Soul-kun. You know you wan' it."

"But-"

"Ssssshhhhh. I's okay."

"Nngh! Maka!"

"Mmmm. . .This is gonna be fun."

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**Author's Comments:**

**The scenario above is the exact reason why no one should enter my mind. Because it's a LOT worse in there. This is only a whiff of it. Me writing a lemon would only be a taste. Actually asking what's on my mind is getting a crumb (since I never tell all). But being able to go in my mind is THE WHOLE ENCHILADA! :D**

**Oops! Drank too much anti-freeze! XD**

**Anyways, I was wondering if I should do a sequel for this? My friends want me to continue it, but I'm not too sure. :/ In fact, one of my friends suggested that she gets pregnant. My response (word-for-word): "JORDAN! Don't say things like that! They're too tempting. owo"**

**I love my friends. :)**

**But seriously, should I? If I do, the next chapter will be where she's hungover. If you think I should, why not throw in a few suggestions while you're at it?**

**So, for absolutely no reason at all, I will include a little list for you guys! :D**

**What I got to include in this story:**

**"Gay guys don't like tits."**

**"This is gonna be fun."**

**"You don't go around grinding random people!"**

**Maka drunk! :D**

**Jealous!Soul ^-^**

**Alley smex. :)**

**"I changed my mind."**

**"Is that a promise?"**

**"I'll show you how a prostitute acts!"**

**"Shouldn't you be wearing a bra?" "I was." "Then where is it?" "Some guy at the club wanted it."**

**"RAAAAAAAPE!"**

**What I did not get to include:**

**Blair**

**Spirit**

**A drunk Black*Star**

**Skimpy clothing :(**

**Smut :(**

**"Holy mother fucking shit!"**

**"I will have sex with anyone who [insert request here]" **

**"PUT GIRAFFES IN THE AIR!"**

**"DO YA LIKE WAFFLES?" "YEAH WE LIKE WAFFLES!"**

**"ORANGES ARE VITAMINS!"**

**Horrible karoke**

**Smut :(**

**"I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"**

**"OHMIGAWD! A penny."**

**"My clothes seemed to have disappeared."**

**"PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!"**

**Emo people**

**"GIRL HOLD MY EARRINGS!"**

**Kid**

**Patty**

**Stein**

**Stein without a shirt**

**Stein sweating without a shirt**

**"I WILL SMACK A BITCH!"**

**"And this isn't normal to you?"**

**"EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!"**

**Explosions**

**Gore**

**Sarcasm**

**Fire**

**"It's not rape if you like it."**

**"That's what she said."**

**"Rape is just surprise sex. . . . . . .SURPRISE!"**

**Pedophiles**

**and this list could keep going and going and going. . .**

**But don't worry childrens. I will inlcude this stuff in later stories. :)**

**Lastly, the spelling mistakes throughout the story? That was Maka's slurring. X( I'm horrible when it comes to drunk slurring.**

**Until next time~!**


	2. Hangover Time!

"Oh, hey. You're awake."

"Gaaaaaaah. . . .stop talking."

"That's what you get for drinking."

"I said don't talk!"

"Feel sick yet?"

"Shut the fuck up, Soul!"

"Don't yell at me. You brought this on yourself."

"Like you haven't gotten wasted before."

"Yeah, but now it's your turn."

"You. . .suck."

"That's not what you thought last night."

"What?"

"Oh shit. . .N-nothing!"

"Soul. . ."

"That would be my name."

"What did you mean by that?"

"By what?"

"You know very well what, dammit! Gaaaaaah. . ."

"Yeah, I don't suggest yelling. You'll only make it worse."

"I've noticed. Now answer me, dammit!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Soul, I am so not in the mood for your stupidity right now."

"I'm sure you have enough of your own to deal with."

"Soul!"

"Maka."

"Don't 'Maka' me."

"Then don't 'Soul' me. You're such a hypocrite, you know that?"

"And you avoid questions a lot, you know that?"

"I'm not avoiding anything. Now I'm going to get you some water."

"Hey! Get back here! Soul Eater Evans, if you don't answer me right now, I won't be the only one with a headache!"

"Fuck, woman! I'm just getting you some water! Now get back in bed."

"Not until you answer me."

"I'm afraid this isn't negotiable, Maka."

"You're right. Now tell me."

"Bed."

"Soul!"

"Bed. Now. Don't give me that look!"

"I'm not giving you a look."

"Whatever, Maka. Just go lay down. I'll get you water and some aspirin."

"Then will you answer my question?"

"What question?"

"You dumbass!"

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult me when I'm trying to help."

"You're not trying to help, you're just being difficult!"

"How am I being difficult?"

"Because you won't answer my question!"

"I don't know what the question is!"

"There you go!"

"Huh?"

"You're being difficult again!"

"If anyone's being difficult, it's you!"

"Only because you are."

"But I'm not even difficult!"

"Denial."

"I'm not denying anything."

"You're denying a lot of things."

"No I'm not."

"You're denying that you're in denial."

"Would you just drop this?"

"You shouldn't run away from your issues, Soul."

"Only you could manage to lecture me with a hangover."

"Jealous?"

"Not really."

"Would you please just answer me?"

"Would you please just get in bed?"

"Not until you answer me."

"I'm not answering until you're back in bed."

". . ."

". . ."

". . ."

"Maka, you're recovering from a night of binge drinking. Would you go and rest already?"

"I won't rest until you explain yourself."

"And what am I supposed to explain?"

"What you meant earlier. And don't pretend you forgot, Soul. I'm hungover, not dumb."

"Says you."

"Stop avoiding my question!"

"What do you want me to say, Maka?"

"I want to know what you meant by that's not how I thought of you last night!"

". . ."

"Soul, tell me."

". . ."

"Did I do something bad?"

". . ."

"Did I upset you?"

". . ."

"Your silence is pissing me off."

"Good."

"So I did make you mad!"

"I never said that."

"But you didn't deny it either."

"Maka-"

"I'm going back to bed. Happy?"

"Maka!"

"Would you please stop shouting? My head hurts."

"Do you want that aspirin now?"

"I never turned it down before."

"Well if you weren't so goddamn stubborn all the time I would - "

"I'm sorry."

"- be able to - wait. What? Why are you - ?"

"I obviously did some really stupid shit last night. I can't remember what and since you refuse to help remind me, I'm apologizing."

". . ."

"So sorry. Okay?"

"You kicked me in the stomach."

"Wh-what?"

"You unbuttoned your shirt."

"I-I what?"

"Mulitiple times."

". . .But I - "

"You humped some random dude on the street."

". . .Oh my-"

"And. . ."

". . .And?"

"You wanted to have sex in an alley."

". . ."

"With me."

". . ."

". . .So that's what happened."

"Holy."

"Maka?"

"Mother."

"Maka. You all right?"

"Fucking."

"You look really pale. Do you need that water now?"

"Shit."

"Maka!"

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"Gaaaaaaah. . .my head is _throbbing._"

"Hello, Sleeping Beauty."

"Gah!"

"What?"

"Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"I didn't sneak up on you. I was here the whole time."

"But still!"

"But still what?"

"Don't do that!"

"Do what?"

"What you did!"

"Very descriptive, Maka."

"Don't get sarcastic with me."

"Just calm down would you? You're putting too much stress on yourself and you're still not in the best condition."

"Of course I am. My head pounding consistently is totally normal."

"And you tell me not to be sarcastic."

". . .Hey, Soul?"

"What?"

"You weren't kidding, were you?"

"About. . .?"

"Don't play dumb."

". . .Sorry, Maka."

"Fuck."

"On the bright side, that guy you humped seemed really happy."

"Soul!"

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**This did not go as I had planned at all. XP I was originally going to have her wake up on top of him shirtless (him, not her) and her flip out. Then I had a plan where I would have them wake up naked in the alley and go "Holy shit we had sex", but instead, this was written by my subconscious mind in Geometry class. :/ So don't ask what happened.**

**The ending. . .bleh. I hate the ending. I was attempting to lighten up the mood somehow and instead I made everything terrible. -_- But I cannot be bothered to fix it at all.**

**"Gaaaaaah. . ." I would imagine that's how a hungover person wakes up when there head feels ready to explode, right? XD I wouldn't know. I'm 14, therefore, underage.**

**And lastly, I got to use "Holy mother fucking shit!" :D I didn't use it in the exact way I wanted it, though. *shrugs* Baby steps, baby steps.**

**Maybe the two versions I mentioned before (1st para of author's note) will eventually be written and added on, but for now, I'm done. Unless you beg. Then I'll reconsider. :)**

**Until next time~!**


	3. Soul's Turn

"Don't leave me!"

"That's kind of hard considering you're latched onto my arm like a leach."

"If I wasn't you would leave me!"

"I am _not_ going to leave you, Soul! Especially when you're like this."

"Mmmm…Like what?"

"If this is your way of getting back at me last month, I've learned my lesson and I'm _sorry_!"

"Hold me."

"No, get off. It's warm in here."

"God, you're so mean, Maka-chan!"

"And you're intoxicated beyond belief."

"Hehe. You use big words that I can't understand."

"Intoxicated?"

"No. 'And.'"

"…..You're a big doofus, you know that?"

"I just wanna hug!"

"And I just want to go home. But you're the one who drove us here and I can't drive a motorcycle. Our house is way too far away to walk."

"Pfft. I can drive! S'long as you promise to hold on tight."

"You can't even understand a three-lettered word. I really doubt that you can operate heavy machinery."

"You just gotta believe!"

"I already called Kid, he's on his way to pick us up. Really, Soul. Can't you just be responsible for once?"

"Mmmmm. You're warm~"

"Actually, I'm sweltering. Get off."

"But then you'll leave me!"

"I already told you: I'm staying here with you. There's nothing to worry about."

"You can't leave me, Maka! If you do I'll have nowhere to go! I'll have to live on the streets."

"You act as if you let go of me I'm going to kick you out of the apartment. I just need some air to breathe! Is that too much to – oh no are you _crying_?"

"Y-you're kicking me out? What'd I do?"

"I never said that."

"Don't go! Don't leave! Stay with meeee~"

"Soul! Stop acting like my papa! You two are so alike when you're drunk!"

"Maka-chaaan~ You're really hot right now."

"That would be because your practically swallowing me with your body and we're in a room with no air conditioning."

"No, I mean you're smokin' hot."

"Just about."

"Fuckin' sexy, man."

"Wh-what?"

"Maka-chan~"

"Soul, let's go out front. Maybe cool air will do you good."

"Don't walk away! No, don't leave! I'm sorry!"

"Just follow me you idiot!"

"Promise me that you'll…."

"….Yes, Soul?"

"Don't leave me."

"You're awfully clingy when you're drunk, too. I'm not leaving you, Soul."

"Good. If you did, I'd be on the streets."

"Well, I don't think that you'd necessarily – "

"And no one would hire me."

"Oh you know that's not true! You're very skilled and talented and I'm sure –"

"And I'd get stuck being a male stripper."

"….Where in the hell did you come up with that conclusion?"

"Do you want me to be a male stripper?"

"Well, I – "

"No, don't answer that. Just hold me."

"Soul, why are you always so difficult?"

"'M not difficult."

"If you say so. Just take a deep breath of cool air and relax until Kid gets here."

"Why? Is he your boyfriend?"

"What? You know that's not true!"

"I don't know if it's false either!"

"That's because you're incapable of proper thinking right now!"

"Stop using big words you freaking bookworm!"

"At least I'm a bookworm and not a drunkard!"

"Hehe. You were last month."

"You said you'd never bring that up again!"

"Did I now?"

"Yes!"

"Quite frankly, I don't remember that."

"But you remember last month?"

"Crystal clear."

"Drunken minds work oddly."

"They also like company. C'mere."

"No."

"But it's not hot anymore. In fact, it's pretty cold."

"Yeah. And?"

"So come here. Lemme hold you."

"I'd rather you stay away from me."

"Bet you wouldn't say that to Kid."

"Why are we on _that_ topic again?"

"Because _you_ brought it up!"

"Actually, that was you."

"When?"

"Just now."

"So you'll let me hold you?"

"How did you get to that conclusion from what we were talking about?"

"What were we talking about?"

"….I can't tell if you're playing dumb or if you really forgot."

"Mmmm. You're cold. I'll warm you up."

"Hey! Get off."

"Don't wanna. I'm sleepy."

"Then sleep on concrete!"

"You're much softer."

"I don't care and – wait a minute."

"Hmmm. Maka-chan what are you doing?"

"Your breath…."

"What about it?"

"It doesn't smell like alcohol."

"…"

"Soul Eater Evans…."

"Well looky there! It's my bike! Who would've guessed?"  
"YOU'RE NOT REALLY DRUNK!"

"For someone who's a bookworm, you sure are slow."

"Grrr. GET BACK HERE!"

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**Author's Comments:**

**Awfully short, I know. But I was re-reading the reviews and chapters of "Never Again" and I saw one that said they wanted to see Soul drunk. So I decided to do that, but instead came up with this. This is not intended to be that funny, not have any plot. I just did it out of pure boredom.**

**Also, I wrote this because of my lack of updating anything because I got stuck on "Grigori's Promise." I have the 6****th**** chapter planned out, just not written, per se. The reason I don't want to continue writing it is because I have yet to plan out the 7****th**** chapter. I know where I'm going, but I'm still figuring out how to get there. **

**Idk. I'll get there eventually. Next month for sure (even if the 7****th**** chapter is not planned I will update the 6****th****).**


End file.
